Can Death Actually Be A Birth?
Why not from a different angle?
Death, life after death and the moment of dying are hard to imagine even though we know that it is inevitable. Yet, we prefer to bury death-related conceptions beneath our everyday rush, not intentionally but subconsciously. Why are we so afraid of confronting this idea? It is, after all, just an idea, no? It cannot kill us, right? Then why are we delaying thinking about this particular topic and never speaking if it is not a special occasion? There are so many whys, but there are not many answers to these questions. I suppose that this is the mystery of death and its obscurity. After taking a big step towards its vagueness, death as well can bring about a change.
To reveal the secrets of death and to make us feel better about why we do not focus on our end of existence, various theories have emerged. However, my focal point will be just one of them; the existential view. According to the opinions of Heidegger and Yalom based on the existential approach, forgetting our mortality and being busy with everyday struggles are both our default mode and defense mechanism. The unconscious part of the mind works automatically to protect us from the cold fact reality of death. However, facing the actuality of it can provide a paradigm shift in the perspective of oneself.
In my case, losing my grandfather gave me a radical shift not only once but twice. At first, the thought of not having my grandfather around is not even completely comprehensible. One day, I could see or call him and hear his voice, and then I could not. The easiness of losing someone was shocking. During this process, I excluded everyone from my life, even a part of me, the logical one, telling me that this was not the right way to act. And yet, handling all the emotions was challenging for me, and I knew if I did not exclude them, I would lose them again and again.
In time, a new reality dawned on me, almost awakening: I could lose them at any time, whether I was with them or not. Following this realization, I thought, “I only have today to show my affection.” From that day on, my only option was to greet them with a big hug, both physically and psychologically. I was full of mixed emotions back then. But, there is not an easy trick to dealing with grief. From my standpoint, my experience with death has formed into something that strengthens my relationships.
Death not only promotes new perspectives in our lives, but it also reminds us that we are alive. This reminding is needed not to tackle little details or everyday worries and to enjoy what we have now. After all, the only thing we have is now. Van Deurzen-Smith, an existential psychotherapist, considers that being aware of the present moment enriches experiences and fulfills one’s potential. She also says that this awareness can make a transition from default to an authentic state of mind. To put it another way, overcoming the terror of death gives the true essence of being in the present moment.
By looking directly into the eye of the idea of death and having the courage to go beyond it, we can get into the moment to flourish in it. That is how we can metaphorically transform into gorgeous butterflies rather than staying in our cocoons and being protected from the surrounding anxiety. We should go forward by going through pleasant and unpleasant things to face the fear. And in this way, even death, annihilation itself, delivers something new and changing, like the life of a parent with a newborn baby.
